Andiamo a pescare per prendere i “picci” e non prendiamo nulla, lui si mette a chiamare i pesci, mi dice “oh papà, ho fame, io voglio prendere i pesci per mangiare”. E’ bellissimo stare seduti insieme su uno scoglio con le due canne in mano, mi fa venire in mente un’immagine di forrest gump col figlioletto.
Siamo stati due giorni insieme io e lui, a pescare, a cercare i granchi nonna, (come chiama lui le vecchie, ha 4 anni e mezzo) ed al mare. Lo guardavo camminare davanti a me; a volte, forse quasi sempre, lo guardo con una sorta di gioia mista a piacere e un pizzico di malinconia, e non capisco se è perché lo vedo in crescita e mi sembra di non stare dietro al tempo che passa o se perché mi rivedo bimbo o vedo in lui una mia estensione, un misto di sentimenti che mi infondono una gioia incontenibile insieme ad una bellissima malinconia.
Quando lo abbraccio non è mai abbastanza, quando lo guardo non è mai abbastanza, quando gli do i bacini non è mai abbastanza; amo scherzare con lui, è bellissimo stare con lui. Confesso che mi piacerebbe sentire cosa si prova dall’altra parte, lo stato d’animo di un bimbo come lui, amato, coccolato, sempre pieno di attenzione ad ogni sua richiesta d’ascolto. Per lui sarà tutto normale e scontato, ed è giusto così, non ha bisogno di comparare con l’opposto di tutto questo per capirne la differenza. E’ la legge dell’universo, dopo la carestia non può che seguire l’abbondanza: la carestia di sentimenti che ho vissuto da piccolo si è trasformata in amore ed attenzioni per lui e mi da la possibilità comunque di vivere queste sensazioni. Quando l’amore circola non ha importanza da che parte stai, ne vieni comunque toccato. Grazie Samuel, figlio mio.
Figli
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